What a year of non-monogamy really looks like - according to my camera roll
Updated: Aug 9, 2025
It’s been a couple of years since I first discovered the ‘Hidden’ folder on my iPhone - and let me tell you, I’ve absolutely put it to good use since then.
Over the past 12 months especially, I’ve built up a little treasure trove of photos and videos that could make even the most seasoned OnlyFans subscriber blush… naughty selfies, sensual snippets, deliciously filthy dates filmed from every angle and POV. But for all the sexually-charged content in my possession, it’s often the other kinds of photos that are my favourite - the ones with a hidden story behind them. The ones that spark a memory, a grin, or a quiet little 'ooft' of appreciation. The ones that capture the other side of non-monogamy: the connection, the community, the real-life fun of it all.
This month, my husband J and I are celebrating a double anniversary - 10 years of marriage, and one year as official lifestylers. That’s right. Though we’d been circling the edges for a while, experimenting and trying to figure out what we wanted from this whole thing, we didn’t make the proper leap until August 2024. Which is probably why I found myself recently scrolling back through that Hidden folder - and what I found, aside from an unholy number of X-rated highlights, was a visual celebration of our first year in the lifestyle. And the gorgeous people who helped make it unforgettable.
There’s a photo (below) of the stunning Eva and I making drinks together in a hotel suite in Leeds last October, sometime around 4:30am after a Corruption party. 12 of us had crammed into a suite for a nightcap, but by this point, it was just the four of us left standing: J, Eva, Luke, and me. The chemistry had been crackling all night. Half an hour after that picture was taken, the four of us were naked on the sofas together. Our first ever couple swap - and a stupidly hot night that didn’t end until 7am.
Then there are the spa pics with Noah and Emily, who we’d already shared a delicious evening with a couple of months earlier. Gorgeous, witty, and the kind of people we’d want to be friends with even outside the lifestyle, which is how we found ourselves spending a spring Friday soaking, steaming, and plunging (plunge pool, people - get your minds out of the gutter) while sipping champagne in North Yorkshire. On the surface, the photos look like any two couples enjoying a break. What they don’t show is Noah’s hand sliding up my thigh in the steam room, Emily with her legs around J’s waist in the hot tub, and all four of us getting a little… playful under the aptly named “experience showers.” My favourite photo of that day (above) is back in their hotel room, taken at the exact moment Emily and I realised we’d packed the same lingerie. Neither husband seemed too upset.
And then there’s this photo (below). While at first glance, it may not seem anything more than a guy and a girl out on a date - cute, casual, nothing to see here - I know better. I know this photo shows me leading this gorgeous man into my hotel just one hour after we met in person for the first time. I know the hotel receptionist greeted us with a cheery “Welcome baaa…” the smile dying on her lips as she clocked that this man was not the same one I had checked in with earlier. And, of course, I know it was J - my husband - who took the photo. I also know the mind-blowing fun that followed...
There are shots of us in bed with other people, half-dressed, passing around wine and snacks after incredible nights. There are pictures from bars and clubs and restaurants - and what makes them all so special is that they feel like something more than just snapshots of sex. Because when you do non-monogamy the right way (and yes, there is a right way), it’s not just about sexual adventure. It’s about social adventure, too. You’re not just meeting up with body parts - you’re meeting people. People you click with. People you laugh with. People you’d happily spend the day with, even if you weren’t planning to end it with your legs wrapped around each other.
One year ago, I became an official Hotwife. I’ve touched on our first experience before, but honestly, it couldn’t have gone better. The man - tall, dark, handsome, and Irish (ladies... Irish) - was a dream. Charming, patient, respectful. He took time to get to know us both and moved at exactly the pace we needed. That first experience set the tone for everything that followed, and we both credit it with why we’ve been able to explore so freely and joyfully ever since.
Since then, there’ve been so many more wonderful people, connections, and stories, and honestly, this lifestyle has surprised me in all the best ways. The friendships. The community. The laughter. The wild nights and the lazy mornings. None of it is what I expected. It’s better.
And I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. Which is why, this week, I issued a little challenge over on Instagram: I asked people to send me a photo (SFW) that they felt captured non-monogamy - plus the story behind it.
And some of the contributions so far? Chef’s kiss.
The gorgeous Lust and Lace sent me photos of her with two of her lifestyle besties, saying: 'What I'd love those who aren't in the lifestyle to know is that non-monogamy isn't just sexual, so much of it is about the friendships you make along the way; having fun and being yourself around the people you meet.'
'At first glance, this photo looks like six friends enjoying a city break in Dublin,' said Our Fantasy Life when they sent it to me.
'We'd arrived early, and only one of our three rooms was ready, so we dropped all our bags in it and headed out for some fun. What this photo doesn't show is the chaotic magic that followed. Later that evening, what started as a quick bag collection turned into a tangled, sexy mess of bodies in a room that was far too small, far too hot, and absolutely not designed for orgies. Absolutely brilliant!'
One friend, Helen, sent me this photo (below), saying: 'Going into a hotel room on my second Hotwife date feeling excited, confident, free, and desired!' while another pal, Maggie, sent a picture (below) of her and her husband's girlfriend at a swingers campsite together: 'It's the only SFW photo from the weekend,' she laughed. 'We get on so well and meet up lots, going to the gym and for girly lunches too!'
And girl-power is a common theme in the lifestyle, with Mr & Mrs telling me: 'We made friends with a couple after a fun night at Purple Mamba - and what a connection it turned out to be! The other lady and I have become like best mates. We have kid playdates, couple hangouts, and vanilla dates galore. It just works. We get each other so well, it’s effortless. Recently, while both of our husbands were away, we had a little sleepover at mine - just us, the kids, a film, a bottle of Prosecco, and loads of giggles. What makes it really special is that it’s all so natural. We can switch from vanilla to pineapple when the moment’s right — and everyone’s on the same page.'
Food was a common theme in many of the photos sent my way, including this one (below), from Scottish Unicorn, who wrote: 'Here I am having a little picnic in bed (below) with the Hot-husband I see. We meet regularly for some dinner and drinks then back to our hotel room for some fun and a sleepover - and he always provides snacks and drinks in between the spicy stuff. He and his wife are lovely, I'm very lucky.'
My friend Lewis shared a photo of another familiar food scene, saying: 'This super vanilla photo epitomises our non-monogamy journey. This is after a club event, back in a hotel room with the first couple we ever played with, literally just chatting and eating pizza. We'd met these two on SwingHub when we were just venturing into the lifestyle, and had a very different viewpoint of what it would all be like. At this point we were only looking for single guys, but happened to start chatting to these two, who lives miles away from us. We ended up meeting them at the SwingHub launch party where we talked and danced, then both had our first kisses with other people in nearly 20 years. We ended up meeting them a few times after that, and getting to play.
'Fast-forward six months to this night, when we all happened to be at the same event. We ended up up playing in a MFFFM with another couple and their single lady friend. Our friends didn't have the best night however, as apparently they had a lot going on at home weren't really feeling it. We got a taxi back to the hotel, all ordered pizza talked and enjoyed each others company. Genuinely when we thought about non-monogamy, we never thought that we would ever make the close friends that we have, And this weekend we're going away with a big group of them!'
Our good pals Erin and Darren sent us a couple of few photos, sharing: 'We both love these photos from my first ever Hotwife night, feeling another man's hands on me after 25 years was incredible. Darren took this photo of our wine glasses as he watched me walk away for my first ever Hotwife date.'
Darren added: 'Afterwards, we sat on the doorstep opposite, looking up at the walls that had just seen for themselves something that weeks earlier wasn’t on the table. It was a ‘surprise’ birthday gift, a true gift that couldn’t be bought, an experience that will never be forgotten! The emotions that night were incredible!'
Gage, SwingHub's CEO, sent me photos of he and his wife Olivia from their recent appearance on Channel 4's Open House, filled with smiling faces and lots of fun - and not a nude body in sight!
'I've met people in this lifestyle that I know will be friends for life,' he said.
'This community is about so much more than sex, it's connection on every level, and that's why moments like the ones in these photos are every bit as important as the naked ones.'
Another pal, Jim, sent me his favourite photo (below) from a meet with a Hotwife, saying: 'This is us sat at a bar after an afternoon of shopping and drinks, legs intertwined, my hand on her leg, as we discussed expectations of of first time together. Fast-forward 90 minutes, I was calling housekeeping in the hotel to ask if they could change the bedding as we'd "spilled on the bed." It was an incredible day.'
Finally, my good friend Tom, sent me a pic (below) that made me chuckle, of a parking ticket on his windshield. Not sure if he'd misunderstood the assignment, I read the attached message: 'This was back in February. I was going to Penthouse Playrooms for Valentine's night. I was supposed to drive home late evening but I ended up staying overnight with someone. Totally worth the fine.'
And honestly? That’s the stuff I love the most. The moments in between the moments, if you know what I mean. The photo I always text to J at the start of every Hotwife date, just as I'm tingling with anticipation, and a little nerves, and he always knows just what to reply to put me at ease. The laughter - and chemistry - shared in a hot-tub when you're not quite sure yet which way this is going to go, but you're excited to find out. The 'oops' moments of matching lingerie, the room service in bed when you're all famished from hours of fun - hell, even the parking fines, when they're earned!
What started with a few photos in a hidden folder has somehow turned into a whole new life; one that is utterly ours, and is chock-full full of connection, adventure, inside jokes, and some truly scandalous screenshots. And every time I scroll back through them, I’m reminded of just how wildly brilliant this all is.
And how glad I am that we started exploring together.
So if you’re wondering what non-monogamy really looks like, this might just be it. Yes, it's wearing lingerie like a bad-ass, the desire of first kisses, new cocks, and watching your new lifestyle bestie getting pinned against the sheets by your husband. But it's also unexpected intimacy and honesty, firm friendships, dancing with your tribe until the early hours, and laughing until your sides hurt over pizza and beers while you're all half-naked in bed together.
There's nothing like it. Messy, magical, and completely unforgettable.
See you next week
- The Secret Hotwife
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