The Secret Hotwife
"I’ve found there’s something unbelievably erotic about my husband watching me get ready to go and have sex with another man. It’s hard to explain... but when it feels that good, we don’t question it!"
Trust me when I tell you there’s nothing quite like the prep for a Hotwife night; if done right, it’s an experience for all the senses. By the time your date night rolls around, the hard work - finding the guy, the initial chats and messages, vibe-check, carving out the time, etc - is usually all done, so now it’s time to relax and enjoy. Here’s your step-by-step guide to preparing for your first Hotwife date…
1. Talk before you walk (into the bedroom)
Before doing anything else, it’s important to take some time to align with your partner. A big part of the fun of your first Hotwife night is the flirting and fantasising the two of you share in the run-up, so weave in plenty of this, along with open and honest conversations about both of your expectations, fears, and boundaries.
Discuss desires: what excites you both about this dynamic?
Establish clear boundaries: what are your non-negotiables on the night? Be sure these have been discussed with your ‘third’ so there are no surprises. Is anal off the cards? Do you prefer rough - think hair-pulling and spanking - or something more sensual? Also make sure the subject of safe sex is an early conversation.
Set the rules: will your partner be present, or are you going solo? Will you check in via messages, and how often? Will you send photos and videos during, or film to show him later?
Reconnection: How and when will you debrief together? The reconnection is a huge part of it (more on this later).
While it might sound like a lot of housekeeping in the run-up, it actually doesn't feel that way as you're having these conversations during sexy times; chatting over a glass of wine, getting horny together in bed, etc. Just remember, if any boundaries are discussed at the end of the night whilst horny or drunk, it's important to sober-check them in the clear light of day! I promise you, clear boundaries enhance the sexiness. They’re the secret to you being able to relax on the night and enjoy yourself.
2. Get ready like a Goddess...
...because that’s exactly what you are on that night!
Getting ready for a Hotwife night is the ultimate in sensual self-care practice. Think of it as a time to indulge yourself - self care with a spark. And while I'm sure it's different for everyone, in our experience we've found it can be a very sexy time for both you and your partner. J loves watching me rub moisturer into my skin, spritz on perfume, and slip into lingerie, knowing I’m heading off for a night as a Hotwife. And I’ve found there’s something unbelievably erotic about my husband watching me get ready to go and have sex with another man. It’s hard to explain... but when it feels that good, we don’t question it!
Carve out time: you don’t want to rush this, particularly the first time when you’re likely feeling quite nervous. This time is your gift to yourself, so don’t short-change it.
Get clean to get dirty: run a bath with scents you love, put some music on and relax.
Treat yourself: do whatever makes you feel like you at your absolute best; get your hair and nails done, throw on a little tan the night before, and buy some beautiful lingerie that makes you feel incredible.
Feel and smell incredible: imagine his hands and mouth on you as you’re getting ready. Moisturise every inch of your body, and follow up with your favourite perfume.
Get in the mood: light some candles, maybe some incense too, and have some music playing while you’re getting ready. Personally I have a playlist for just such an occasion filled with music designed to get me feeling goddess-ready. My favourite tracks are Lose Control, Pony, Dangerous Woman, and Beyonce’s sexy remix of Crazy in Love. Oooh I can feel my skin tingling already…
Remember this is your moment to utterly indulge in your power, your beauty, your sexiness, and get completely in-tune with your desires.
3. What’s in your Hotwife bag?
There are a few essentials you’re not going to want to be without. Personally I never head out on a Hotwife date without the following:
Touch-ups: lipstick/gloss and any other makeup bits or perfume you may need for a quick touch-up
Safety first: condoms and lube - the guy will likely bring his own condoms, but I never like to assume and always go prepared
Freshen up: mints or gum, to freshen up, especially if you’ve met for drinks first.
Charge it up: phone charger - always ensure your phone is fully charged before you step out the door, but having a charger with you is a good idea, whether it’s for sending messages and videos back home (which can drain your battery fast) or calling a taxi at the end of the night.
On the occasions where we’ve hosted a Hotwife night at a hotel, we like to go the extra mile and ensure the room feels as sexy as possible. That includes making sure there’s good lighting in the room, along with music playing - and yes we have our playlist all ready to go - and some drinks. Don't forget the water, as well as the wine. You're likely to be working up a sweat, so you'll need hydration to hand. We also, personally, like to get a couple of cameras set-up and ready to record the action, provided that’s been pre-agreed with the guy.
*A little extra tip, I like to stash lingerie and any extra bits I might need in the bathroom, so that I can disappear and get ready discreetly, rather than starting to rummage through cases and bags while he's in the room.
4. Reconnecting and reflecting
Trust me when I tell you that the afterglow of your first Hotwife experience is just as important as the build-up, so ensure you’re both clear on this.
Experience has taught us that, on the night itself, our focus is mainly on the incredibly hot reclaim sex, with just a little debrief, as it’s usually late and we’re often exhausted by the time we’re laid in each other’s arms. Then the next day we like to debrief fully over breakfast, but you have to find what works for you. A few important points though:
Reclaiming each other: this is one of the best parts of the whole experience, that moment when you come together and take each other back. Your husband will want to get his hands on his Hotwife and remind her that ‘this is home.’ As the Hotwife, there’s a true eroticism in being reclaimed, in being taken back, and - if your husband is anything like J - he’s going to want to hear some of the hottest details of your night while he’s fucking you deeply...
Talk about it: as I said, we prefer to leave the bulk of this to the next day, to save falling asleep on the details, but make sure you’re ready to share what felt amazing, what turned you on, and what - if anything - you would change the next time. Details will be so important - and erotic - to your partner, especially if he wasn't there. If you're not planning to debrief immediately, it might be worth making a few notes on your phone so you don't forget important details.
Aftercare: especially your first time, but as a matter of course, extra affection for both of you is needed, so take plenty of time to touch and cuddle in the coming days, as well as enjoying the hot post-experience sex.
Remember that the Hotwife experience is about so much more than one night; it's the fun and fantasy of the build-up, the self-care sensuality of getting ready, the power and eroticism of a new sexual experience with a different person, and the ultimate lust-and-love reconnection of the reclaim with your partner. Taking the time to prepare and plan and enjoy every aspect will help you create an unforgettable first experience, that will hopefully set you off on a happy path to many more just like it...
See you next week
- The Secret Hotwife
